I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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