I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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