Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Farmville is her only friend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
