Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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