Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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