Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
