he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
