You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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