It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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