i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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