Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
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My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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