WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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