redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
