my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
