I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize