Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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