I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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