evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
