woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
