You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
