I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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