you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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