angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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