Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
