i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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