The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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