And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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