Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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