apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
