oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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