I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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