ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
