Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
