I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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