I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
