What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You're like the curious george of whores
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
