why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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