Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
