I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
