Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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