I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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