He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
