another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
