There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
