I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
