Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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