we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
