i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
