who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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