Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
