i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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