he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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