I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
