oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
