mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
