She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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