So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
