don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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