I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
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Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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