I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
