I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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