What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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