3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
