Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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