But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
