so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
