we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
